I've Always Known
by heytherexxsmile
Summary: A wedding, a broken heart, and a suicide.


**3:24 PM**

I've known for a long time.

I knew when they first started lacing their hands together as they walked down the hallway. I knew when she mindlessly pressed her lips against his, tuning out everything else happening in the world. I knew when I set them up on their first date, because that's why I got them together in the first place. I knew, and I was scared.

And I still know now. I know as I'm putting her something borrowed around her neck. I know as she's smiling at me, because this really is the happiest day of her life. Even if it isn't with me.

"You look really beautiful, Spencer." She smiles softly, not because it's her way of taking the compliment, but because she knows how much I mean it. You see, she knows too. She's never said anything about it, and neither have I, but we both know it's there.

We both know I'm in love with her.

Some days I think she might be in love with me too. Some days I think she might leave him and come to me, finally admitting what I've been silently wishing for years. But then today comes, and I know that some days aren't going to be happening anymore. I know that this little inexistant battle is over, and she's silently choosing him.

"Thank you." She looks me straight in the eye as she says this, all her sincerity pouring into those two words. I try my best not to break down right here. I try to keep from telling her not to do this, that I love her and could make her so much happier than he ever could. I try my best not to release those tears that are brimming under my eyelids. Instead, I give her a weak smile then gently brush my lips against her cheek, lingering longer than any friendly kiss should. I let out a heartbroken sigh and our eyes lock in a understanding gaze.

"I love you." And we've said it to each other a million times, but when I say it now it means more. She knows she can't say it back this time. She knows that if she mimics those three words, she won't be able to go through with this, because she'll probably mean it a little too much. Instead, she just nods, her eyes boring into mine with understanding and regret.

It was never going to happen. No matter how much we- I wanted it, it just wasn't meant to be. She had her strongly religious family and I had my inconsistent and rocky lifestyle. Our lives just didn't mix. So today, I'll wear the maid of honor's dress. I'll put on my fake smile and give fake blessings to a man I resent and the women I love.

"I'll see you out there, okay?" She breathes out and "okay" and I leave her to stand in front of the mirror, readying herself for the life she's about to plunge into.

**4:52 PM**

"I now present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Aiden Dennison." People applaud. They applaud unknowingly, not realizing that every time another pair of their hands come in contact, my heart breaks a little more. She smiles shyly and he's grins like an idiot as they lace their arms together and stroll down the aisle, out of this church and into their perfect life and perfect marriage. At least, that's what they want to believe. And maybe, maybe I want to believe it too. Maybe I want to know that she'll be happy, because at this point that's all I really care about.

**2:07 AM**

I don't want to get in the way anymore. I don't want her to think she's hurting me by loving him, even if she is. I've tried falling out of love with her. I've tried to find a flaw in her and focus all my attention on it. But I can't, she's flawless to me and falling out of love with perfection just isn't that easy. I take my time writing her name in black ink on the outside of a closed envelope.

Ending this is long overdue**.**

**12:34 PM**

Spencer Carlin Dennison, clad in a Victoria Secret sweatsuit and puma sneakers runs up to an apartment and knocks furiously on the door. She's tired from the previous day, but she's amazingly happy and exited and heartbroken.

"Ashley! Ashley open up. I wanted to say bye before we left for the honeymoon."

Nothing. No response or sound answers her sentence. Only a deafening silence that makes her heart beat a little faster, a little more unsteadily.

Spencer takes the key her best friend gave and slides it into the whole. She steps in side expertly, like she's been doing it all her life. And really, she has.

"Ashley, where are you? I called you phone like a million times but you didn't- Oh my god." She can almost hear her heart breaking, the tears in her eyes not even asking permission to fall, but just cascading freely down her face. She collapses on top of Ashley's body, the only sound in the room is of her constant sobs, and if you look closely, you can see her a little piece of her dieing too. A body still fully animate, but her hearts beating at a stop.

**Two years later.**

A single letter sits in a cardboard box in the attic of a small family. It exists near pictures and tapes and memories, all things too heartbreaking to ever be seen, but too important to rid of. The envelope is still perfectly together, the flawless script on the outside not even faded. Inside, a message lays, so simple and so important, but the keeper of a broken heart's eyes will never lay upon it.

_I love you._


End file.
